Dear Charter Business...

If we say we need a static IP, and you tell us you are giving us a static IP, and you charge us for one, please go ahead and actually provision our account that way. Otherwise, I may spend hours setting up port forwarding, compiling helpware applications, and other such activities based on the belief that the IP address I have will stay.

It would really suck if some random Wednesday afternoon in September I find that nothing is working, and that I can't support my customers, because you pulled my IP out from under me. I would really hate that, you stupid jackasses. I'm glad you wouldn't do such a thing. Thank you for your considerate attention to detail.

Love,
Vaughn