The Big Roll
Dec. 19th, 2006 11:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misterxThis is a post about shopping, and public perception. But before I can get into any of that, I first have to explain something about my shopping habits. Namely, I don't like buying the dreck and sundry of everyday life. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to provide for oneself, yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about actually enjoying buying stuff like laundry detergent, dish sponges, milk, and furniture polish*. Some people like shopping for the sake of shopping, but I'm not one of them. It's an annoyance and nothing more, to have to keep restocking disposables. * in all fairness, I don't think I've EVER purchased furniture polish. It just seemed like it fit on the list.
Thus, when I venture to Krogers or Walmart or whatever disposables vendor I am nearest, I tend to buy in larger quantities. Why have to come back next week for laundry soap? I can buy two eighty load boxes, and not have to worry about it maybe a month or more. Makes sense. Minimize the annoyance, save gas, it's a winner.
So the one flaw in this... the one monkey wrench in my otherwise efficient and sensible behavior... is toilet paper. If you buy two or three boxes of Cascade, nobody looks at you twice. The boxes are relatively small, for one thing, and, well, who cares if I want to stock up on dishwasher detergent? But loading up your cart with two or three family packs of toilet paper is another matter. You barge down the aisles trying to peek around your bright-white load of cylindrical softness. You look like you've captured the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man in shrink wrap. Having that much white absorbent quiltedness... well, it draws attention. People look at your cart. And then they look at you. And then back at your cart. And they may look directly at you, or they may just make the face, but either way you can see the question they are thinking... "Why is this man buying so much toilet paper?" And if you think about it, the list of possibilities isn't all that pretty. "Maybe he eats way too much fiber." "Maybe he's incontinent." "Does he really crap THAT much?" Or perhaps the worst of all, "That man must have a very... dirty... bottom." I don't know about you, but I don't need people contemplating my bathroom habits quite so publicly. Especially not when they make faces at you while they do it, inevitably ending up in an unsuccessfully suppressed grimace of distaste which indicates they've picked an answer to the question.
You can thus imagine my relief when the toilet tissue makers saw fit to introduce what is known as "The Big Roll". Yes, one roll may now be equivalent to two, three, or even FOUR normal rolls of TP. So you can buy a single modestly sized multi-pack, preserve your dignity, and still be prepared should a busload of vegetarians break down in front of your house on the way back from "Victor's All-You-Can-Eat Salad Bar and Cafe". Truly a ground-breaking product. I'm sure you feel the same.
Thus, when I venture to Krogers or Walmart or whatever disposables vendor I am nearest, I tend to buy in larger quantities. Why have to come back next week for laundry soap? I can buy two eighty load boxes, and not have to worry about it maybe a month or more. Makes sense. Minimize the annoyance, save gas, it's a winner.
So the one flaw in this... the one monkey wrench in my otherwise efficient and sensible behavior... is toilet paper. If you buy two or three boxes of Cascade, nobody looks at you twice. The boxes are relatively small, for one thing, and, well, who cares if I want to stock up on dishwasher detergent? But loading up your cart with two or three family packs of toilet paper is another matter. You barge down the aisles trying to peek around your bright-white load of cylindrical softness. You look like you've captured the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man in shrink wrap. Having that much white absorbent quiltedness... well, it draws attention. People look at your cart. And then they look at you. And then back at your cart. And they may look directly at you, or they may just make the face, but either way you can see the question they are thinking... "Why is this man buying so much toilet paper?" And if you think about it, the list of possibilities isn't all that pretty. "Maybe he eats way too much fiber." "Maybe he's incontinent." "Does he really crap THAT much?" Or perhaps the worst of all, "That man must have a very... dirty... bottom." I don't know about you, but I don't need people contemplating my bathroom habits quite so publicly. Especially not when they make faces at you while they do it, inevitably ending up in an unsuccessfully suppressed grimace of distaste which indicates they've picked an answer to the question.
You can thus imagine my relief when the toilet tissue makers saw fit to introduce what is known as "The Big Roll". Yes, one roll may now be equivalent to two, three, or even FOUR normal rolls of TP. So you can buy a single modestly sized multi-pack, preserve your dignity, and still be prepared should a busload of vegetarians break down in front of your house on the way back from "Victor's All-You-Can-Eat Salad Bar and Cafe". Truly a ground-breaking product. I'm sure you feel the same.