Melanie's rules of pocket knife shopping

[misterx]

I've been trying to find her a new pocketknife, since her gerber has gotten all loose and abused. Here are the rules, as I've been able to collect thus far:

• It can't be all "covered in bolts".
  
• It should be a switchblade, but she would accept assisted opening.
  
• It can't be a plain blade. It must have serrations.
  
• It can't have too many serrations. It must have just the right amount.
  
• It can't go Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! in your hand (accompanied by elbow thrashing motion)
  
• It has to be able to close. ( I guess this rules out single-use switchblades? )
  
• It can't look like a bird.