misterx

1. How to efficiently waste a half bowl of cheerios:

Go to store
Kid begs for sugary cereal (chocolate-frosted sugar bombs or equivalent)
Make deal with kid: parent will buy sugary cereal only if it can be mixed half and half with a healthier cereal.
Kid agrees with gleam in eye. I am not yet aware of their powers.
Buy cheerios and chocolate-frosted sugar bombs
Get home, intimately mix cereals in large container.
Next morning, serve bowl of mixed cereal with milk to kid
Watch kid wolf down breakfast at normal speed and depart table
Note that every single cheerio remains, disintegrating into a soggy mush.

2. "Cleans without scrubbing" is utter BS.

3. Our bathtub looks like somewhere a serial killer would dismember bodies. Whoever built the bathroom used cheap tile-look panelling that wasn't really waterproof. Now the faux waterproof surface is coming off, so it's white with big black ugly bits which look like mildew, but are really the pressboard beneath. I can't afford to rework that side of the room yet.

4. This morning, I'm in the shower, I hear the bathroom door open but not close. It's Storm of course.
"Dad, can I wear my new backpack to school?"
"It might be better if you saved it for your first day of kindergarten on Wednesday."
"Dad, you don't know *anything* about kid stuff. The fairies *told* me to wear it, because it's soooo fashionable."
"If the fairies said so, then I guess you better do it."
"I'm gonna go get it!!!"
"Ok, just shut the door fir..."
Footsteps race out.
Footsteps race back in.
[Storm, with British accent] "Oh yes! You look so beeuteeful! Hmm! Hmm! Hmm!"
(I peek out of the shower. She's got the backpack on and is standing in front of the big mirror, twitching her hips. She's doing glam poses)
"Wow Storm, that looks really great on you. Do you like it?"
"Ooh yes. All the fairies will be wearing one. And I will be their queen."
"Queen huh? What would you do if you were queen?"
[pauses, thinks] "Probably nothing. I'd have my serrrvahnts do it."
"Wouldn't you get bored? Wouldn't it be boring if someone else did everything for you?"
"Oh no. I'll still do stuff." [pauses to pose some more] "Important stuff."
"Like what?"
"Make ice cream with LOTS of cherries. And I'd take care of the birds."
"You'd make a great queen."
"Yep."
"Storm, can I have privacy? I want to get out of the shower."
[turns and glowers at me] "Queens don't listen to serrrvahnts." [turns back to mirror, starts twitching hips again]