The Big Roll

[misterx]

This is a post about shopping, and public perception. But before I can get into any of that,  I first have to explain something about my shopping habits. Namely, I don't like buying the dreck and sundry of everyday life. There is a certain satisfaction in being able to provide for oneself, yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about actually enjoying buying stuff like laundry detergent, dish sponges, milk, and furniture polish*.  Some people like shopping for the sake of shopping, but I'm not one of them. It's an annoyance and nothing more, to have to keep restocking disposables.   * in all fairness, I don't think I've EVER purchased furniture polish. It just seemed like it fit on the list.

Thus, when I venture to Krogers or Walmart or whatever disposables vendor I am nearest, I tend to buy in larger quantities. Why have to come back next week for laundry soap? I can buy two eighty load boxes, and not have to worry about it maybe a month or more. Makes sense. Minimize the annoyance, save gas, it's a winner.

So the one flaw in this... the one monkey wrench in my otherwise efficient and sensible behavior... is toilet paper. If you buy two or three boxes of Cascade, nobody looks at you twice. The boxes are relatively small, for one thing, and, well, who cares if I want to stock up on dishwasher detergent? But loading up your cart with two or three family packs of toilet paper is another matter. You barge down the aisles trying to peek around your bright-white load of cylindrical softness. You look like you've captured the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man in shrink wrap. Having that much white absorbent quiltedness... well, it draws attention. People look at your cart. And then they look at you. And then back at your cart. And they may look directly at you, or they may just make the face, but either way you can see the question they are thinking... "Why is this man buying so much toilet paper?"  And if you think about it, the list of possibilities isn't all that pretty. "Maybe he eats way too much fiber."  "Maybe he's incontinent."  "Does he really crap THAT much?"   Or perhaps the worst of all, "That man must have a very... dirty... bottom."  I don't know about you, but I don't need people contemplating my bathroom habits quite so publicly. Especially not when they make faces at you while they do it, inevitably ending up in an unsuccessfully suppressed grimace of distaste which indicates they've picked an answer to the question.

You can thus imagine my relief when the toilet tissue makers saw fit to introduce what is known as "The Big Roll". Yes, one roll may now be equivalent to two, three, or even FOUR normal rolls of TP. So you can buy a single modestly sized multi-pack, preserve your dignity, and still be prepared should a busload of vegetarians break down in front of your house on the way back from "Victor's  All-You-Can-Eat Salad Bar and Cafe". Truly a ground-breaking product. I'm sure you feel the same.

Comments

[roaming.livejournal.com]

I often wonder if what we think other people are thinking about us reveals more about US than them. :-) Maybe they were just thinking you had lots of relatives. Or a restaurant. With a bathroom for patrons. :-)

Admittedly, your version is far more amusing. :-)

[dampscribbler.livejournal.com]

This is one of the reasons I love Costco. Everyone there is buying in massive quantities -- one might look askance at you if you were buying a four-pack of toilet paper, but never if you're buying a case of it.

I feel exactly as you do about buying this stuff -- I'm still trying to figure out how to buy 4-6 months' worth of it at a time, I just hate going out for toilet paper, Kleenex, napkins, toothpaste, etc. So far I've only succeeded with the laundry detergent -- a front-loading washer uses almost none, and Costco sells it in some absurd size that I believe is about 2-1/2 gallons. I've had my bottle of it since June and it's only 2/3 gone. God bless Costco.

I haven't seen the toilet paper that's the equivalent of four rolls, but dammit I want some!

[jintenn76.livejournal.com]

I love when Ingles puts the 20 packs of Scott on sale. we can stock up and not have to worry about running out for awhile.

I really enjoyed your version of this :)

[wldrose.livejournal.com]

I love the big 4 roll it meens that I can buy it once in a while.

Ash

[ezerick.livejournal.com]

Sams Club. $35 a year and worth it if you buy a lot in bulk

[midnightsrain.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAAAA! This made me laugh obnoxiously OUT LOUD! I, too, am guilty of buying in bulk. Especially when it comes to non-perishables. I will buy 2 or 3 12-packs of double roll toilet paper. I, too, am forced to face the indignity of my frugalness, while trying to secretly deny any inconceivable wrongdoings on my part, just to purchase mounds of fluffy white stuff. I feel your pain!

[astaciamorrigen.livejournal.com]

I love the big rolls, too.

[misterx.livejournal.com]

I'm not really that paranoid but I did find the whole thing rather humorous to think about so I wrote it up.

[misterx.livejournal.com]

Charmin made the four-roll stuff. Others have two or three roll versions but no four-roll yet.

[misterx.livejournal.com]

Don't do it right before halloween, they'll suspect you're going to tp the neighborhood.

[misterx.livejournal.com]

Yep. It's handy. Luckily my TP holder can handle the bigger sizes. :)

[misterx.livejournal.com]

At the old house we had a freezer and more space and it made sense to buy everything in bulk, but our house here is so small that we can't store much, so I have to reign in my stockpiling tendencies.

[misterx.livejournal.com]

hahaha... [points at you ] you have a dirty bottom! lol

[misterx.livejournal.com]

You really don't need to give me a straight line like that, it's dangerous.

[spooky-kittie.livejournal.com]

I'm sitting at work reading this and it actually made me laugh out loud. My coworkers probably think I'm crazy but this was really funny.

I also love buying things in bulk, we go through everything so fast that it seems like one of us is stopping at the store everyday to pick something up.

[teal-cuttlefish.livejournal.com]

We always buy our TP in bulk, whether it's at Costco or the grocery store. And while I've seen people study the contents of my cart because I'm fat, no one has ever blinked at stocking up on TP -- it's common practice around here.

Of course, we're in the middle of a blizzard right now, which explains the "stock up" mentality -- we need to!