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misterxI've avoided this as long as possible, but today I'm sitting at the docs office waiting to discuss my depression meds. They just aren't doing the job anymore. Its been going on for a while... at first it was minor enough to overlook, then it was an annoyance but I could work around it. Lately its been giving me genuine difficulties, putting roadblocks everywhere, and its getting old.
As you may or may not know, I HATE having to change these meds. I don't like playing guinea pig with my brain. If there are disagreeable side effects they can take weeks to manifest, and even longer to realize you're having them. I mean, if your hands just turned green, it would be obvious, but the nature of the beast is that it changes your brain processes... the same brain you are experiencing the world with. From the inside, it can be hard to tell that, say, you are becoming withdrawn, or whatever.
Ugh. I do dislike this.
People don't usually understand. If I say I'm feeling depressed they usually say "you need to change your meds". The thing is, even when you are on meds, you can still get depressed, sad, etc. It doesn't stop emotions, it just keeps them within normal bounds. A bad day at work shouldn't RUIN my week for instance, but without antidepressants, that can happen. With them, I still have the bad day, may feel crappy for a while, but then I get over it. So if I feel depressed, the first question I ask myself is "is this depression just normal emotions"? It not always easy to tell, so I play the waiting game and see how it goes.
Then there are fluctuations in the efficacy of the meds. They work better some times than others. Again, the only way to tell is to wait it out, and these are longish cycles.
So. If I jumped meds every time I felt bad, it would be a constant game of russian roulette. Which I loathe to play even once. If I have learned anything about depression it is that I have to take a long term view.
I'm just rambling about a corner of my life while I wait. Feel free to ignore.
As you may or may not know, I HATE having to change these meds. I don't like playing guinea pig with my brain. If there are disagreeable side effects they can take weeks to manifest, and even longer to realize you're having them. I mean, if your hands just turned green, it would be obvious, but the nature of the beast is that it changes your brain processes... the same brain you are experiencing the world with. From the inside, it can be hard to tell that, say, you are becoming withdrawn, or whatever.
Ugh. I do dislike this.
People don't usually understand. If I say I'm feeling depressed they usually say "you need to change your meds". The thing is, even when you are on meds, you can still get depressed, sad, etc. It doesn't stop emotions, it just keeps them within normal bounds. A bad day at work shouldn't RUIN my week for instance, but without antidepressants, that can happen. With them, I still have the bad day, may feel crappy for a while, but then I get over it. So if I feel depressed, the first question I ask myself is "is this depression just normal emotions"? It not always easy to tell, so I play the waiting game and see how it goes.
Then there are fluctuations in the efficacy of the meds. They work better some times than others. Again, the only way to tell is to wait it out, and these are longish cycles.
So. If I jumped meds every time I felt bad, it would be a constant game of russian roulette. Which I loathe to play even once. If I have learned anything about depression it is that I have to take a long term view.
I'm just rambling about a corner of my life while I wait. Feel free to ignore.