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The difference
Jul. 16th, 2004 11:53 amSo I was pausing for a moment this morning at my desk, and thinking about "life, the universe and everything". You know, watching my mind toss all it's various thoughts around, like watching your clothes tumble in the drier at the laundromat. Things would float by and I would note my reactions to them.
I thought about Melanie, and smiled at how great being in love feels, and how subtle it's treasures are.
I thought about hugging Lorelei goodbye at school this morning, and Storm's wide eyes as she walked into the cafeteria for the first time today, and smiled at how deep and endless my love for my kids is, and how wonderful that is.
I thought about friends lost, and felt sadness.
I thought about relationships in general, and felt a strange mix of hope and melancholy.
I thought about money and worried.
I thought about the mountains, and the woods, and felt very lucky.
I thought about the wind, and I swear I felt it on my face. It smelled like rain.
I thought about the smell of the ocean, and the sound of waves on my kayak, and felt a longing.
I thought about growing old, and felt calm.
I thought about living, and felt I belonged here, as flawed as I am.
I realized I had all these feelings at once. I closed my eyes for a moment... I could pick out feelings and listen to them individually, like notes in a symphony. I asked myself, what notes should I remove? Where should I make gaps in the music? Where should I leave holes in the melody, because I want to cut out the darker parts? I decided I liked the symphony like it was. These moments, they are all mine, and I want to experience them all. What a wonderful life this is.
I thought about Melanie, and smiled at how great being in love feels, and how subtle it's treasures are.
I thought about hugging Lorelei goodbye at school this morning, and Storm's wide eyes as she walked into the cafeteria for the first time today, and smiled at how deep and endless my love for my kids is, and how wonderful that is.
I thought about friends lost, and felt sadness.
I thought about relationships in general, and felt a strange mix of hope and melancholy.
I thought about money and worried.
I thought about the mountains, and the woods, and felt very lucky.
I thought about the wind, and I swear I felt it on my face. It smelled like rain.
I thought about the smell of the ocean, and the sound of waves on my kayak, and felt a longing.
I thought about growing old, and felt calm.
I thought about living, and felt I belonged here, as flawed as I am.
I realized I had all these feelings at once. I closed my eyes for a moment... I could pick out feelings and listen to them individually, like notes in a symphony. I asked myself, what notes should I remove? Where should I make gaps in the music? Where should I leave holes in the melody, because I want to cut out the darker parts? I decided I liked the symphony like it was. These moments, they are all mine, and I want to experience them all. What a wonderful life this is.
